Flora

Drabble 79 – Flora

Flora

79 isn’t a particularly interesting number, but when I realized that today would mark my 79th drabble for this blog, I was a little taken aback.

I feel like I’m in a constant state of questioning whether I am cut out for this. By ‘this’ I mean a bit of everything–writing, mostly, but I’m always wondering whether I’m any good at anything at all. It’s not a matter of asking for compliments or reassurance, either, because if I wasn’t actually confident in my writing to some degree, I wouldn’t put it online for other people to read.

Still, doubt creeps in. The other day I scrubbed mold out of a windowsill and wondered how it got there, how it got so bad. Why didn’t I notice? Why didn’t I catch it sooner? It’s that slow, incremental growth that gets you, and, even when it’s cleaned up, you punish yourself for letting it get that way in the first place.

I should quit, I think. And then I follow that thought back to its source, a dark, brittle little thing that sends shoot and tendrils outward until they choke out everything else. I can’t kill it. I can’t stop it. But I can deal with it, whether it’s with bleach and a paper towel or my own dogged determination to outgrow it.

Anyway, here’s a drabble.

Continue reading

Amor Fati

Drabble 78 – Amor Fati

amor-fati

It’s the end of the year, and sure has been a year, hasn’t it?

I’m planning on doing some kind of look back at the past year in the next week, and this isn’t even the last drabble I’ll write for 2016. It just so happens that amor fati is the phrase I drew out of my vocabulary bingo this week, and it has me thinking about failure and success and reasons and excuses and every other little thing.

Anyway, here’s a drabble. I’ll let this one speak for itself.

Continue reading

Slavific

Drabble 77 – Salvific

I’ve been worried the past few weeks. To say what about would be to never stop talking. I could open my mouth and all my worries would spill out, and what would be left is an empty sack of flesh and bone because, some days, I feel like I am a ball of worry with only a little life sustaining it.

Sometimes my worries ease themselves and I find there was nothing to be concerned about. Sometimes they increase with every passing day, until the few, quick moments when I’m not thinking about them are the most blissful part of my day. I imagine this is going to be the new normal for some time.

Still, I find things to keep me going. Even if it’s like trudging through a swamp in sodden denim and weighted boots, I’ll keep walking until I find what’s on the other side.

Anyway, here’s a drabble.

Continue reading

Vrykolakas

Drabble 76 – Vrykolakas

Vrykolakas

Let the Right One In

When I was a kid, I didn’t really believe in monsters. Ghosts, sure. Murderers, yes. But monsters weren’t real because there was no evidence, and, unlike ghosts, monsters should, in theory, leave a trail.

Despite my numerous fears, vampires weren’t really one of them. Until I read an interview where someone said, “If vampires are real, I’m not going to piss them off by saying I don’t believe in them.”

And it’s not that I suddenly believed in vampires after that–I didn’t. But every time I found myself reading whatever trashy vampire novel was hot at the time, I’d find myself wondering what if? And it was that that made them scary, not the blood drinking, not the manipulation, not the bad boyfriends who so frequently characterized the genre. It was the possibility that they might exist, and that they might know that I didn’t believe in them.

Even if I never feared their revenge or their bites or anything else these imagined vampires might have for me, the what if question always lurked at the back of my mind. There are no vampires following me to my car at night, unless there are. Unless they’re too quick to see, or it’s too dark, or they’re well-hidden. A breeze was a clawed hand reaching for my ankle. A branch creaking was a poorly hidden laugh. That creeping feeling at the base of my neck was eyes on my back, telling me to run for my life.

Anyway, here’s a drabble.

Continue reading